Navigating Neuromixed Relationships: How Different Brains Can Stay Together

February 2025

Relationships are already a wild ride, but when you throw in different neurotypes—things get even more interesting. Whether it’s ADHD and Autism, CPTSD and OCD, or any other combo, neuromixed relationships mean you and your partner(s) likely process the world in completely different ways.

A Quick Note on Lived Experience

This is based on my own experiences in a neuromixed relationship and what I’ve seen in others. Every relationship is unique, shaped by individual personalities, backgrounds, and circumstances. If something here doesn’t resonate, that’s totally okay—this isn’t a rulebook, just a place to start.

What is a Neuromixed Relationship?

A neuromixed relationship is when partners have different neurotypes—one might be AuDHD while the other is Autistic, or one might be Neurotypical while the other has CPTSD. These differences can bring challenges, but they can also create deep, complementary bonds.

Challenges & Strengths of Neuromixed Relationships

Challenges:

• Communication Differences: One partner might be super direct and literal, while the other focuses on emotional tone.
• Sensory Sensitivities: One person thrives on concerts and restaurants, while the other finds that overwhelming.
• Emotional Regulation: Some people experience emotional flooding, while others struggle to name what they’re feeling.
• Executive Dysfunction: If both partners have a hard time with planning and organization, life can feel extra chaotic.

Strengths:

• Balance: One partner’s strengths can complement the other’s challenges—structure vs. spontaneity, deep focus vs. big-picture thinking.
• Curiosity & Intrigue: You get a front-row seat to an entirely different way of experiencing the world.
• Creative Problem-Solving: Different brains = different approaches, which can lead to unique solutions.

 

How to Make It Work

1. Understanding Sensory Needs

Mismatched sensory preferences can create stress, but knowing each other’s needs can help. A deep understanding of what feels good (or terrible) to you and your partner makes life smoother. Want to explore yours? Check out this Sensory Profiler.

2. Adapting Communication Styles

How do you and your partner handle conflict? Does one of you push forward while the other pulls back? Before assuming someone is “avoidant” or “anxious,” get curious. Maybe your partner needs time to process before engaging. Maybe venting in a notes app first helps you get clarity. Maybe verbal processing during conflict doesn’t work, but texting does. The key is figuring out what actually helps and adjusting accordingly.

3. Embracing Differences & Staying Curious

One of the coolest things about being in a neuromixed relationship is getting to see things from a totally different perspective. I love hearing how my partner breaks things down pragmatically, and he’s intrigued when I frame situations from an emotional lens. When it comes to managing life together, we use different tools—weekly check-ins, texting updates, and adjusting as we go. Bottom line: share what works, listen with curiosity, and let each other be yourselves.

4. Polyamory & Neuromixed Relationships

Some neurodivergent people find polyamory a natural fit, since it allows for different support systems and relational needs. That said, more brains = more nuance. If you’re navigating a poly neuromixed relationship, intentional communication is key.

Seeking Support & Self-Understanding

Relationships take work, and that includes individual self-awareness. A strong relationship starts with understanding yourself first. Here are a few ways to do that:

• Therapy or Coaching from someone that gets it (search for neurodivergent affirming, queer competent, poly and kink friendly-these folks typically have a deep understanding of various neurotypes and how this functions in relationships
• Books, podcasts, and online communities that reflect your experience.
• A self-reflective practice (paying attention to your own patterns, reflecting, engaging others for feedback and discussion).

Final Thoughts

Neuromixed relationships come with their own set of challenges, but with patience, flexibility, and a sense of humor, they can be incredibly fulfilling. The goal isn’t to mold each other into something you’re not—it’s about creating a dynamic that works for your unique brains.

Are you in a neuromixed relationship? What strategies have helped you thrive?

The Hidden Complexity of Being 2e: Navigating Giftedness and Neurodivergence

January 2025

If you’ve felt caught between brilliance and burnout, strengths and struggles, you might be “2e”.

2e (Twice-exceptional) people are both gifted and neurodivergent, often dealing with ADHD, autism, or learning differences like dyslexia. This intersection of capability and need can feel contradictory—and it’s exhausting.

Let’s talk about what it’s like to grow up labeled “gifted” only to later discover an autism diagnosis.

Gifted, but at What Cost?

As kids, some of us were called “bright,” “quick learners,” or “ahead of our time.” That validation felt good—but being labeled as “gifted” isn’t always a gift.

The Praise Trap
Maybe you could solve puzzles fast but never remembered homework. Or you’d get lost in books for hours but struggled with the chaos of the playground. You were smart, so why wasn’t everything easy?

The answer? Your brain wasn’t just working fast—it was working differently.

Autism as a Missing Puzzle Piece

For late-diagnosed autistic adults, the autism lens often explains both the struggles and the extraordinary strengths. It’s not just about what was “wrong” but understanding what was true all along.

Giftedness and Autism: Where They Overlap
Here are some shared experiences:

1. Hyperfocus vs. Special Interests:
   People might’ve called you “passionate” for spending hours on your favorite hobby. But really, you weren’t just interested—you were immersed.
2. Social Confusion:
   Did small talk feel pointless? Were you told you were “intense” or “awkward”? It wasn’t shyness—it was the mental juggling act of reading social cues.
3. Sensory Sensitivities:
   Loud noises, itchy fabrics, or bright lights—sound familiar? Maybe you’ve been called “dramatic,” but in reality, your sensory system was on overdrive.

The Weight of Expectations

Being “gifted” can lead to the harmful idea that you’re limitless—until you hit the wall of burnout.

Reframing the Narrative
Discovering autism doesn’t take away your strengths—it helps you understand both your brilliance and your struggles. What childhood experiences make more sense through the autism lens? Getting curious about our experiences can help us build self compassion and integrate your 2e identity. 

White Western Therapists and How We Appropriate

December 2024

Let me just start with this: I’ve done it. I’ve absolutely done the thing I’m about to critique. As a white therapist working in a Western psychological framework, I’ve taken practices like mindfulness and tapping and used them without fully understanding their origins. I’ve taught them to clients, framed them as “modern therapeutic techniques,” and patted myself on the back for being innovative and evidence-based.

I cringe when I think about how often I’ve stripped these practices of their cultural and spiritual significance. I’ve repackaged them in ways that feel comfortable for me and my clients, all while failing to acknowledge—or sometimes even know—the rich histories and cultures these practices come from.

This post isn’t about calling anyone out but myself. If you’ve done this too, welcome to the club. Let’s sit in the discomfort together and figure out how to do better.

Western Psychology’s Appropriation Problem

Western psychology has a long history of claiming “innovative” therapeutic practices that are, in reality, borrowed from non-Western cultures. These practices are often stripped of their depth, reframed for Western audiences, and marketed as groundbreaking solutions to modern problems. The result? The cultural origins of these practices are erased, and white practitioners profit while the communities that developed these methods are left out of the conversation.

Let’s take a closer look at some examples.

Mindfulness: A Buddhist Tradition Stripped Bare

Mindfulness is one of the most glaring examples of appropriation in therapy. Its roots lie in ancient Buddhist traditions, particularly Vipassana meditation and Zen practices. These practices are deeply spiritual, emphasizing ethics, compassion, and interconnectedness​.

When Jon Kabat-Zinn introduced Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) in the 1970s, he credited Buddhism as his inspiration but also secularized the practice to make it more accessible to Western audiences. This made mindfulness palatable to corporate and healthcare environments, turning it into a wellness tool rather than a spiritual discipline​.

As mindfulness grew in popularity, its Buddhist origins were often erased, replaced by a focus on individual productivity and stress management. The spiritual richness and ethical framework tied to mindfulness were sidelined, transforming a holistic tradition into a commodified wellness product​.

Tapping: Borrowing from Chinese Medicine

Another example is tapping, or the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which involves tapping on specific acupressure points to manage emotional distress. This practice is rooted in Chinese medicine’s meridian theory, which views energy flow as essential to health and well-being​.

The practice of tapping owes its existence to traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), where techniques like acupressure and acupuncture are integral to healing. However, EFT has been marketed in Western contexts as a stand-alone technique for emotional regulation, often without acknowledgment of its origins. Western adaptations frequently overlook the depth of TCM’s philosophy, reducing tapping to a quick-fix tool​.

Holistic Healing and Somatic Therapies

Western psychology’s embrace of holistic and somatic therapies also has roots in non-Western traditions. Practices involving movement, rhythm, and body-based healing are central to African, Afro-Caribbean, and Indigenous cultures​. These methods have been used for centuries in rituals designed to process trauma and foster communal connection.

In Western contexts, these practices are often reframed as individualistic therapeutic tools like somatic experiencing. For example, Indigenous rituals that use communal dance and rhythm to heal emotional wounds are adapted into body-based techniques focused on personal trauma recovery, removing their original spiritual and cultural meanings​.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and the Medicine Wheel

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by white psychologists like Steven Hayes, draws on principles like mindfulness, values-based living, and psychological flexibility. These ideas parallel holistic frameworks used in Indigenous cultures, particularly the Native American medicine wheel.

The medicine wheel represents balance across physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual domains, guiding Indigenous approaches to life and healing. By framing concepts like balance and interconnectedness as novel Western ideas, ACT erases Indigenous intellectual traditions. This erasure occurs alongside the ongoing marginalization of Indigenous communities, perpetuating a cycle where white practitioners profit from Indigenous knowledge.

The Harm of Cultural Appropriation in Therapy

Cultural appropriation in mental health care isn’t just an abstract issue—it has real, harmful consequences:

1. Erasure of Cultural Significance: Healing practices are reduced to tools, stripped of their spiritual and cultural depth.
2. Exclusion of Originating Communities: The cultures that created these practices rarely benefit from their commercialization. Instead, white practitioners and corporations profit.
3. Loss of Authenticity: Practices like mindfulness and somatic therapies lose their integrity when divorced from their cultural and philosophical contexts.

How Therapists Can Do Better

So, where do we go from here? Here are some steps we can take to move toward greater cultural respect and humility in therapy:

• Acknowledge the Origins: Recognize and honor the cultural roots of practices like mindfulness, tapping, and somatic healing.
• Engage with Communities: Collaborate with the communities these practices come from to ensure their respectful use and share the benefits.
• Educate Ourselves and Clients: Learn about the cultural and spiritual contexts of these practices, and share that knowledge with clients.
• Challenge the Narrative of Western Innovation: Push back against the idea that Western psychology is inventing these tools. Acknowledge that much of what we use comes from centuries of wisdom in non-Western cultures.

Conclusion

Doing this post was humbling because I had to confront the ways I’ve personally contributed to the very problem I’m discussing. If you’re a therapist or a wellness practitioner, I hope you reflect on your own practices and make changes where needed. 

Cultural appropriation in therapy doesn’t just erase traditions—it diminishes the depth and effectiveness of the very practices we rely on to help others. By honoring the origins of these practices, we can begin to repair the harm and build a more inclusive, respectful field.

I’m not done learning or unlearning, and I hope you’re not either. 

Disclosing Disability at Work

January 2024

If you have Autism and/or ADHD, you may have considered disclosing your disability status at work. Perhaps you have been unsure if this would be helpful, or if you would face any unwanted consequences.  It can be empowering to know your rights under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act). I want to share some key insights about navigating disability disclosure in the workplace. 

Autism, ADHD & the ADA

Did you know that both Autism and ADHD are recognized under the ADA? This gives you legal protections at your job, which is super important.

Reasonable Accommodations

 You deserve a workspace where you can thrive. Whether it’s needing a quieter corner, flexible hours, or tools to keep things organized, these accommodations are not just niceties – they’re your right.

Your Privacy, Your Choice

Deciding to disclose your diagnosis can be tough. Remember, it’s entirely up to you. If you choose not to share specifics, you can still ask for accommodations under the ADA. Need help deciding? Check out this helpful tool for some guidance.

Standing Up Against Discrimination:

If you ever feel discriminated against because of your autism, it’s crucial to speak up. Document what happens and talk to HR or a trusted supervisor. You can also reach out to the EEOC for support.

For more in-depth info, the ADA National Network is a great resource.

Stay strong and keep advocating for yourself!

Embracing Your Creative Identity

December 2023

For many neurodivergent folks, ADHD isn’t just about the struggles with focus, organization, or the classic “where did I put my keys?” scenario. It’s also about having a mind that can leap from idea to idea, creating connections that others might not see. Research indicates that individuals with ADHD often display remarkable levels of creativity. This isn’t surprising, considering the hallmark traits of ADHD, like divergent thinking and a preference for novelty, are also central to creative thought.

If you’re neurodivergent, you might find that your best ideas come in bursts, often at unexpected times. Your creativity may not follow a linear path, but rather it dances to the rhythm of your unique neural wiring. The key is to harness this creativity without feeling constrained by conventional norms. Here are some strategies to help you do just that:

Create a Flexible Routine

While structure is important, too rigid a schedule can stifle creativity. Build a routine that allows for spontaneous bursts of creative activity. I use “Time Blocking” and this is my favorite template: Time Blocking Template

Embrace Your Hyperfocus

ADHD often comes with the ability to hyperfocus – use this to your advantage in creative pursuits. When inspiration strikes, dive in deeply.

Use Transition Tools

It can be hard to switch gears out of our focus, and unfortunately we sometimes must. Use a visual timer, or an alarm. Make sure you build in “closing up time” to transition out of the task. 

Write That Shit Down

With thoughts racing at a hundred miles an hour, it’s easy to lose track of those brilliant ideas. Keep a journal handy to jot down thoughts, sketches, or sudden insights.

Explore Different Mediums

Creativity isn’t just about painting or writing. It can be cooking, coding, gardening, or anything that allows you to express yourself. Experiment with different mediums to find what resonates with you.

Join a Community

Connect with others who share your neurodivergent traits and creative interests. Community support is invaluable for encouragement and inspiration. If you are having trouble connecting in person-social media (facebook groups) has your back.

You Are Unique

It’s important to acknowledge that ADHD comes with its set of challenges. Distractions, time management difficulties, and societal misunderstandings can be hurdles. However, when these challenges are navigated skillfully, they can become pathways to innovative solutions and creative triumphs.

To my neurodivergent pals out there, remember: your unique way of thinking and experiencing the world is awesome. 

Embracing Sensory Integration in Mental Health Therapy

Cultural Acknowledgment
I acknowledge that this practice draws inspiration from a variety of cultural traditions. Indigenous communities, particularly Native American cultures, have long used sand and symbolic imagery in sacred healing rituals like sand painting. Tibetan Buddhist mandalas and Japanese Zen garden aesthetics also inform the symbolic and reflective aspects of sandtray work.

As a practitioner, I recognize that the therapeutic use of sandtray therapy in Western psychology has been shaped by these cultural practices, often without proper acknowledgment.

December 2023

In my practice, I prioritize creating a therapeutic environment that is not only emotionally nurturing but also sensory supportive. In our sessions, I invite clients to explore their sensory preferences and sensitivities, and integrate sensory tools that interest them during the session. These tools include weighted lap pads, Sandtray, balance boards, theraputty, visual timers, and bilateral sounds to engage various sensory systems. Folks often have a lot of fun exploring tools and report better focus, decreased anxiety, and a heightened sense of comfort and safety during our sessions. These sensory tools not only cater to specific sensory needs but also open new pathways for therapeutic exploration and healing. 

The 8 senses?

Along with the usual 5 sense (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell) there are three critical sensory systems: proprioception, the vestibular sense, and interoception.

Proprioception refers to the body’s ability to sense itself in space. Tools like weighted lap pads and theraputty can help in grounding, providing a sense of physical stability that translates into emotional balance.

The vestibular sense is linked to balance and spatial orientation. Incorporating an exercise ball or balance board in therapy sessions aids in developing this sense, which can be particularly beneficial for clients who experience disorientation in stressful situations.

Interoception involves the internal sensations of the body, like hunger, thirst, and emotional responses. We do A LOT of work in this area. Using exercises such as guided mindfulness practices and polyvagal exercises help build awareness and tap into our body’s internal experience. 

By embracing sensory integration, we step into a realm of therapy that is holistic, innovative, and profoundly attuned to the individual needs of each client. And it’s really fun.

-Anna Roots, Professional Counselor Associate

Sandtray in Session

November 2022

Sandtray therapy engages a person in a hands on psychological experience. It is a powerful tool that allows individuals to control their own narrative.  Sandtray is a highly regarded in the Play Therapy world as a tool that allows children to engage with experiences and thoughts beyond verbal processing.  Sandtray’s benefits, however, reach across all ages. Engaging our multi-sensory system can allow us further access to our experiences. It can also simply relax our nervous system and allow for more ability to engage in the session.

In our office, there is a large selection of characters, symbols, and other miniatures. You are invited to bring whatever items you are interested in interacting with to the table. You may also choose to simply use the Sandtray as a sensory tool and play in the sand while we engage in talk therapy.

Our Sandtray sessions are always client-led and not reliant on the clinician’s interpretation, but instead on the client’s experience of the process. Sandtray is offered as an option during session and level of engagement is always up to the client. 

-Anna Roots, Professional Counselor Associate

Holiday Gatherings are on the way. Need a Plan?

November 2022

No longer are we gathered around our devices for an obligatory Zoom call. This year, you will likely be expected to show up in person. If you are filled with a sense of dread as you look toward these events, you aren’t alone. For neurodivergent folks, specifically with sensory and/or social sensitivities, these events can be very stressful. 

Dreading these gatherings has no baring on how you might feel about your family. It is very possible to have strong relationships and enjoy the company of family members (or specific ones), but find the large group gathering to be overwhelming. When someone has sensory sensitivities, as many as all 5 senses can feel overloaded in a crowded environment. Put on top of that the social expectation of a family event and it can all be very dysregulating. 

So what can we do? Prepare and get support. It is important that we treat our sensory and social needs as we would any other biological need. Just as we would expect access to a bathroom at a social event, ND folks should expect safe and accessible ways to regulate their nervous system. Having shame around these needs can prevent us from communicating with our support people. Plan ahead by checking in with yourself and your support people. 

Download my EVENT RESILIENCY PLAN to prepare for a better feeling holiday. This is your holiday too and you deserve to feel comfortable and not in distress. The people who love you are going to support you in this.

-Anna Roots, Professional Counselor Associate

Download-Event Resliency Plan